Torment
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: He loves Alec, but does Alec love him back? Oneshot drabble from Magnus' POV regarding his love for Alec. First MI fic. R


_So, I just finished reading City of Glass and… WOW! Seriously, this series is my new third fav, after HP & MV!_

_I got this idea, probs already been done but anyway, about Alec and Magnus. Enjoy!_

_I think it's probably set around the City of Ashes/City of Glass mark, before the whole 'revelation' of their love._

_I don't own anything_

* * *

Love, it's a strange thing. You can be alive for almost a millennia and never find it. Sure, you can have _flings_ with people who you contemplate something with but never _ever_ consider that you could, one day, find the love that you never thought you would have. You can watch humans falling in love every single second, watch other Downworlders doing the same thing as they age, whilst you remain the age you have been since you fully matured – still, at least my impeccable looks have been preserved!

But it's strange… for, you see, I never expected that _I_, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, could end up falling for someone as utterly perfect as I have done, someone who is a Shadowhunter. True, I suppose that the way that I have perfect looks, the way that I care for myself as well as the way that I have seen every single episode of Charmed and drooled over Cole (the magic is, by the way, some of the worst animations I have _ever_ seen) for all of his appearances… _particularly_ the ones where he is shirtless…

Anyway, aside from my knowledge of Charmed, I can't actually describe what this love feels like for, you see, there _are_ no words to describe it. So many people write books on how their heart seems to grow in size as they observe the true love of their life, so many people write books on all this 'frisson' stuff… there is _no need_ for such complex language or detailing for _it isn't right_! I used to live by these books but now I realise that they are all complete and utter rubbish, now having experienced the real thing.

It's as if the only thing I can think about is Alec – when I wake up in the morning, I can only imagine his face. Things I used to do in the past before I met him no longer seem important; the coffee I drink seems to be utterly tasteless, as does everything I eat. It's like an obsession I have with him, one where I _want_ to know where he is, to tell him how I feel.

So now, whenever he or his idiotic friends (don't get me wrong, I _like_ them well enough but _sheesh_ they get in a lot of trouble) get into trouble, I help for free. Normally what I do would incur charges that would have totted up to about a million dollars by now, yet I cannot charge the family of the person I love.

He feels for me as well, I can tell. When he switched with Jace (_seriously_ needs a makeover), he confirmed to me how he feels but he _will not admit it_! Whenever he sees his parents when I am near, he pretends as if we are mere acquaintances, not possible lovers. I mean, I _love_ him… surely that should mean something to him?

Yet apparently it doesn't. he seems perfectly content for me to give him everything he wants and then to play the power card, deciding to be in contact only when _he_ wants something, not even talking to me otherwise. The lack of contact on his side only makes me want him more, to have him come here and for him to let me dress him in some _decent_ clothes (if someone needs a makeover more than Jace, it's Alec) with perhaps some pink lycra… but that's not the point here, is it.

Love is strange. Love is tormentuous; it has you obsessing over someone who won't confess their feelings back. It has you pining for them every single moment of the day and you desiring to see them, to feel their soft skin under your fingers…

… but the worst thing of all? I can't even concentrate on my wardrobe! Seriously, this past week or two has had me wearing the _most_ disgusting outfits of my life! I haven't had the heart to wear my favourite blue bandana…

Ahhh well, I guess that that pales in comparison to love.

But it really _sucks_!

* * *

_Whatcha think?_

_Posting 10 ways to annoy Magnus Bane as well soon!_

_Please review!_

_Vicky xx_


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